Category: General Writings

I have always been a big fan of Valentine’s Day. It is strange I hate chocolate (yes I know that is weird lol ) and I am not big on flowers. I tell Sir every year that I do not need a showy act of love in the middle of February. I feel his love for me every day. The thing I really love about it is that Valentine’s Day is one to celebrate love in many different ways. Most of us know that Valentine’s Day is a mash up between both Christian and ancient Roman traditions. Now I am all for a good fertility festival, and a cool priest who gives it to the Emperor by marring people who have been outlawed to do so. This year however I found about a cool new version of this holiday.

In Japan there’ll be millions of men hoping to receive chocolate from girlfriends, wives, daughters, and the other women in their lives. Yep just the men you read that correctly. Valentine’s Day has a really neat twist there, women are expected to give chocolates to each of the men in her life, even the ones she doesn’t care for. There are two types of chocolates that girls give. First is Giri-Choco which roughly translates to obligation or duty chocolate. It is given to bosses, teachers, colleagues, and male friends. There is no romance with Giri-choco.

Next you have Honmei-choco, Honmei means favorite or best candidate. This is given to boyfriends, lovers, and husbands. It is considered to be true love chocolate. In Japanese culture effort is greatly valued. Many women in Japan prepare the Honmei-choco from scratch as too many it is not thought of as an act of true love to just buy them. Others will spend in the several hundred yen range on store bought Honmei-choco.

Pretty cool tradition and some fun trivia knowledge, hope you enjoy!

～おめでとう
omedetou (Happy) Valentine’s Day!

By Bushido_Bard

M/s dynamics and relationships are as rewarding as they are difficult. It is not a lifestyle choice that anyone should rush into for themselves. There are just as many, if not more, pitfalls of “normal” relationships to navigate through; choose this path carefully. Neko and koneko have been on this journey together for many years now and they shared some of their experiences and wisdom for us. Or as Neko said it, “Experience is when you learn from your own mistakes. Wisdom is learning from others mistakes.”

In his early twenties Neko attended a party where he saw a woman being served and attended to. Immediately intrigued, he began talking with her and those serving her and he discovered a new life. For roughly eighteen months he was in service to her but as he puts it, “I was a poor servant to her; I had control issues.” Grinning, he explained that it did not take long to discover that he might belong on the other side of the slash. She agreed and he began learning how to master himself. He spent much of his time learning how to care for others and how to properly live.

koneko came into this life rather early when, smirking as she related it, “I liked hanging out in bars at a young age whether it was legal or not.” She continued with, “I also found out quickly, that I enjoyed kinky sex!” She entered her first M/s relationship when she married her husband. When the relationship ended she entered into another with a woman who allowed koneko to continue growing. She discovered many things about herself but she commented, “I found that I really enjoyed watching others receive pleasure; I loved it!” It was during this time that she also provided safe places for those in the Wiccan or kink communities.

It would be at a Pagan ceremony where they first met and soon they began dating. Eventually koneko petitioned Neko for service and they moved in together along with koneko’s partner. Together they learned about many aspects of this lifestyle together and their journey began in earnest. At this point in their presentation they both said, “Don’t walk another’s path! You must walk your own.” They were also free with some of their own difficulties in their early experiences. Suffice to say that communication and honesty were key to the survival. koneko pointed out, “We experience the same struggles that other relationships have; loved ones needing attention, family obligations, etc. Everything gets dealt with while we maintain our dynamic.”

Neko and koneko continued explaining how their relationship developed and continues to grow into the future. “Our dynamic is not rigid; it’s rather quite fluid,” Neko said, “mistakes have been made, but you grow from them.” It is important to remember that the relationship is one of Master and slave; not husband & wife or boyfriend & girlfriend. There is an exchange of power and authority in effect. koneko explained one aspect of their relationship concerning limits when she added, “He will push me to do things I may be scared or hesitant to do. I trust him that what I am doing is for my good.” Neko supported her comment by adding, “She is my slave and that means she is still important. I care for and protect her.”

Together Neko and koneko began a Leather House by the name of Blood and Ice. The name references blood being a force of life and ice representing control. The Code of Bushido features very prominently within their house as well. This famous code of the Samurai holds seven virtues in high regard; Integrity, Respect, Courage, Honor, Honesty, Loyalty, and Compassion. Neko offered this explanation, “All of these virtues are the foundation but I favor loyalty and trust. I expect the same things in others as I do myself.” They further explained that this code gives them a sense of consistency in their lives. When your actions coincide with your beliefs, you are at your most truthful. “Who you are comes from within,” he finished.

“Living in a M/s dynamic is not for everyone and it requires the usual relationship management skills,” koneko continued, “communication, honesty, and loyalty are the key.” They carry their beliefs into all their relationships. Both of them are polyamorous and this too requires careful thought and attention to their M/s dynamic. In closing, they offered various thoughts on their own experiences and observations from others. They both were in agreement when they said, “If it’s not fun, then why are you doing it?” Be communicative and honest and your M/s relationship can survive!

By Bushido Bard

I sat down to discuss TC’s presentation for NLA Dallas’ Leather Perspectives and what follows is a tale of one man’s journey through Leather and the wisdom that he shared. TC did not start out perhaps as everyone else did. He grew up identifying as a hetero male and it was during his time in the United States Army that he discovered the world of Leather. He had a chance meeting with his sergeant that would forever change his life. After discovering a collection of books and magazines dealing with BDSM and power exchanges his sergeant decided to have a word with him.

One week later TC and his sergeant go out in a military vehicle for a routine maneuver. It was not long before they came upon a group of KKK members burning a cross on a hill. Within minutes TC was instructed to open the hatch and pop his head out. Seemingly, like the scene in Blazing Saddles, his sergeant announced, “Hey guys, check this out”, while pointing to TC. Giggling TC related, “Here I am, a black man, surrounded by white men and there are burning crosses; the first thought going through my mind was, ‘Shit…this is how I’m going out.’” His sergeant ordered him to knock down the crosses with the vehicle and then they headed back to base. He didn’t realize it at the time, but he had just demonstrated his loyalty and trust.

Not too long after that night his sergeant invited him to attend a hole-in-the-wall bar. It was a non-descript bar but upon entering his sergeant immediately told the guys at the front that “he’s with me.” It was a gay Leather bar. Still looking astonished TC said, “My sergeant had just outted himself to me! This was the late 80’s folks!” After looking around and taking it all in his sergeant asked him, “So which side are you on? Do you like to do the whipping or being whipped?” Like a kid in a candy store TC was flooded with choices and images.

Soon after this TC entered the world of Leather as his sergeant began his training. When he was transferred to Korea he was told to look up another Leatherman and he continued his journey there. Before he left the US Army he had trained under different Leathermen learning various aspects of our lifestyle. Soon after returning to the states, he left the US Army and joined the local Leather of Dallas; his home since the 90’s.

His first experience attending the Dallas Eagle was interesting as well as eye opening. It was not what he was expecting as he explained, “I watched and observed for a while and eventually folks were approaching me. When I saw a large black man I assumed he was a Dom but I quickly learned he was a sub. I was surrounded by big guys and they were subs. I thought to myself ‘Damn…you’re not helping.” Laughing he continued, “I was surprised at the lack of many people of color in the Leather scene here in Dallas.” It did not take long before he ingratiated himself into the Dallas Leather scene.

TC has traveled extensively visiting many Leather chapters and growing in his journey. In 2013 he was named Mr Great Plains Olympus Leather 2013 and he commented on his title, “The hardest part wasn’t winning the title, it was all the traveling involved with it! I don’t regret it of course, it just took time and energy.” This achievement and the experience helped to create a greater sense of pride in his Leather identity. He encourages everyone to get past the nerves and go out there to have fun while earning Leather titles. He finished by saying, “Damn, just go have fun with it folks.”

As time permitted I asked TC some questions that dealt with his opinions and thoughts on various topics. He shared his views on the future of Leather and some of his hopes. When asked what was the most difficult thing to accept or discover and he replied, “Well, two things: First, and it’s gotten better, but there seems to be a prejudice between gays and hetero people.” TC further explained that initially there were those who resented the inclusion of hetero-sexuals into the lifestyle. He enjoys that over the years everyone in the lifestyle are considered allies more than intruders. He continued, “Secondly there seems to be, in my observation, to be a lack of people of color in the lifestyle. When I do encounter them, they tend to be subs or slaves; I just don’t get it.”

When asked what his most rewarding experience in his Leather life was he quickly responded with, “Watching this Dallas group grow! I’ve seen young people enter and forge their own paths while keeping the traditions that came before them.” Among various other things he said that perhaps his favorite moments come from mentoring and teaching others. TC has been involved with the Dallas Mentors Program over the years and it is a continuous source of pride and satisfaction.

Finally the question was asked what he’d like his legacy to be. He laughed and said, “You mean, what do I want on my tombstone?” Carefully considering his answer and taking a long draw on his cigar he responded with, “There’s nobody here; the soul is gone. Or maybe, he helped the Leather folk.” Overall TC wants his contributions to the Leather community to be helpful and uplifting. To this day he continues to support the local BDSM and Leather communities by leading groups or just being a friendly face welcoming newcomers.

By Bushido Bard

On a warm Saturday afternoon, Master Tallen gifted those attending the Leather Perspectives presentation the tale of his Leather Life. His life, Leather and otherwise, was laid before the audience for their examination. This was a very frank and open discussion on the ups and downs he experienced so far in his life. His accomplishments have earned him fame, mostly good and sometimes bad, but there were important lessons learned. Master Tallen shared life changing events and wonderful reminders of why we live the life we do.

At a young age Master Tallen realized he was homosexual but given where he was living and the culture he never expressed his feelings until later. After high school he joined the United States Marines and this awakened in him a love and desire for discipline and regimentation. Little did he realize how this experience would shape his future and life! Being stationed in Hawaii he began to explore his sexuality. He commented, “This was before ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ but as long as you didn’t cause a fuss nobody seemed to care.” His tour soon ended however and he returned to the states; the door was opened but the journey had just begun!

“Ironically”, he smiled as he spoke, “I met my wife at a gay bar.” Together they have two daughters but unfortunately the marriage ended after a while. It was at this time that Master Tallen decided he would not keep up appearances and as he put it, “abandoned the ‘straight life’”. For a few years he began a real soul-searching that made him realize that he was missing something in is life. He knew he loved the control and discipline of the military but he was unsure how to find this in his civilian life. His search continued…

Like many of us, the Internet changed his life as he discovered the life and concept of Master/slave relationships. Immediately he was intrigued and believed that this was just what he was looking for! More research was conducted and he discovered Leather and the various relationships therein. He gave a thoughtful nod and gave a wide grin when he said, “Soon I was contacting all kinds ‘Masters’ looking for a relationship; boy, I found some real doosies…” In one particular instance he talked and decided to meet with a master, (lower-case letter on purpose), who turned out to be the worst master he had ever encountered. It was a case where the man had no money, or any kind of life and just used Master Tallen’s resources selfishly. “Lesson learned”, he said as he shook his head gratefully.

After a few relationships, that left much to be desired from the Masters, meant moving to other states, and even required starting life over again, Master Tallen resolved to learn more about Leather and even becoming a Top. With much enthusiasm he said, “I became motivated; if I couldn’t find a Master worth a damn, I’d become the Master!” While researching the whats and wherefores of being a Top and/or Master he tasted his first spark of control; the Top’s high. He found it greatly to his liking and this encouraged him to find his first slave. A new era had begun!
Master Tallen attended a myriad of conventions with his new slave and even helped create some of the events that exist today. With so many volunteering jobs and other work towards assisting the community, it was time to step away for a break; but not for too long… After much research and delving deep into countless symbols and their numerous meanings, he developed a visual concept of the Master/slave relationship; something very deep and personal to him. Part of this originated from his desire to create a sign or flag for inspiration and to be a source of pride. The end result is apparent for all in the community to see, but it was not universally accepted at first.

The familiar flag that contains red lines on a black field with a white border was an accomplishment that resulted in a mixed reception. Although there were some in the community that mocked Master Tallen for his audacity to create something like this, it has stood the test of time. Today, the Master/slave flag is worn by many people in the community and it is an accepted symbol of Leather and BDSM activities.

Unfortunately, Master Tallen’s life took a very dramatic and different turn when he suffered from an accident in which he fell from a ladder. Part of the recovery locked him to a wheelchair for an indefinite amount of time. Master Tallen said in a somber voice, “Crisis of identity doesn’t even begin to describe it.” He had to re-evaluate his role with regards to his changed physical condition and relationships. He asked the audience, “How can you still be a Master if you’re sitting and needing constant care?”

This was the greatest trial he experienced in his life and today he is forever thankful for those people, including his current slave, who helped him recover. His slave attended to his every need and in such a way that Master Tallen was in control. Together, they modified their relationship so that they maintained their previous protocols. It was a testament to the dedication that they had for each other. This injury certainly kept his activities low; he eventually recovered to the point that he could discard the wheelchair!

Most recently Master Tallen has fought to preserve the International Puppy and Trainer Contest and this is but one of his many pursuits. Today he enjoys the full life he has with his Leather family and biological family. In his closing words he commented that life is constant change and that burnout is common and expected in this life. He expressed to hold on to what matters to you and follow your heart. After his presentation he ended with these words of wisdom, “Follow your heart, but just be smart!”

by Bushido_Bard

Dan Perry opened the discussion by simply asking, “What is community? What’s it mean?” Audience participation and responses were welcomed as Dan poled everyone in attendance. Truly, to all of us, what makes a community? Is it as simple as everyone under one umbrella? Is it a subset of something greater? How do you define a community? Reminding us of the roots of modern Leather, Dan suggested that the soldiers returning from World War 2 were the first community. Where did it go from there?

As the years went by, the Leather Community saw its ups and downs but as groups became larger the sense of togetherness seemed to fade. Dan posed another question, “As we get larger, our closeness goes away, and we are left wondering how do we retain our sense of community.” As one group becomes larger, because more like-minded people gather around it, sometimes subsets begin to form. While this is not necessarily a bad thing it does begin to perhaps dilute the whole. Or does it? Dan finished his question then added, “We form different groups because people want a “tighter” group. When this happens we sometimes become ‘cliquish’ and this is not good.”

Although community can mean different things to different people we still strive to uphold the whole. This can lead to good and bad things… “We are quick to start something new because a need is perceived. However, we are reluctant to end them when perhaps the need is no longer there”, he pointed out. Case-in-point: If a group was begun several years ago to address an issue but the issue no longer persists, does the group need to continue out of obligation?

Can our umbrella of acceptance get too large or can we always separate into smaller organizations? As the years rolled on our “umbrella” became larger. Dan said poignantly, “AIDS and other common enemies brought many folks together and our umbrella became larger.” Whereas before many organizations were private and very secretive, now they were larger and sought different areas large enough to house them. As this was occurring our sense of community was being tested in new ways. According to Hardy Haberman, “Today we have numbers, but do we really have strength in numbers?”

One of the largest reasons for forming a community was to protect ourselves from outside enemies. Although, one may argue that in today’s society BDSM, Homosexuality, or Kink in general is more accepted, for many years these things would get you arrested or worse. So now that we have come together and formed sub-cultures do we still have one defining characteristic? Dan offered, “We once had one thing that united us, but now it seems that everyone in their separate groups has their own thing.” Perhaps from the joining together we have lost something that united us across several boundaries.

When we were smaller and tighter, we could easily know each other and encourage or discourage activities. As any group or community begins to grow you lose a level of intimacy that exists so easily with just a few. This problem is expressed in many aspects of our culture; just look at the rise of mega-churches. We are all united but still we identify and belong to other banners. How do we regulate ourselves? When there are 20 people in a group it is easy to keep tabs, watch others, and protect ourselves. Dan continued, “There was a time when NLA Dallas was just a small group of people. Now we are at over 100 members.”

How do we as a community handle issues or problems when our umbrella is so large? In one example Dan told of a group of puppies that were randomly interacting with people and biting them. When questioned, the puppies merely replied that they were dogs…what did you expect? With the age of the Internet we are gaining new friends but also losing our sense of respecting our community. Our umbrella has become so large and our sub cultures so varied that we are having trouble keeping up.

So what is a community? From where we started and where we are now, how do we prepare for our future? Many questions were asked by Dan and the answers were often never the same. Discussions could have lasted for far longer but it was important that we become aware of our sense of community. Do we need all these sub-groups or has their original purpose been served? Is it time to collapse the umbrella of community to a more manageable size? Ultimately, you must decide how you view community and how to serve it.