“Friends, Romans, Cunt-rymen, Lend Me a Hand “

It occurred to me that while many sorts of play have a seemingly boundless level for more/harder, some types of play have more limits. I found that unfortunate.  Take for example fisting (that’s it, take it you filthy little pig. You like it, don’t you?).

Santa, the man with all the ho’s

Where was I? Oh right, fisting.

For almost all of us, the limits of fisting are two hands and ten fingers. This is really a shame if you think about it.  Imagine, you’re in the moment, all is going well, every zig is met with a perfect zag, all of your fingers, palms, and wrists are occupied, and THEN your person is encouraging, nay DEMANDING, more.  

What is one to do in such a moment to keep the spirit of the fisting going?  Sure, we could call a friend, but that’s hardly creative. Anyone can call in a second set of hands. As a top, I want solutions that are more innovative. Things that will keep the bottom guessing as it were. I want my person to always wonder (and worry) what’s next.  With that spirit in mind, I created a list of pervertible finger substitutes that can pinch hit when you need to take your fisting scene to the next level.  Please note that I accept no responsibility for any outcomes using these suggestions causes be they good or bad. Your mileage on these items may vary.

With no further ado, here is my list of ten fisting pervertibles to keep your fisting party going:

  1. Finger hooks.  If you’re not familiar with these, they are the hooks for robes, keys, and so for that are made in the shape of a human finger.  In my book anything that checks off the insertable, hardware, and home décor boxes is always a winner.  Note to tops, the ends of these are usually screws so be careful not to stab yourself as you put them in.
  2. Chicken fingers. Not only do they take up that space for your extra fingers, they make for a tasty mid-scene snack.  I’d avoid using sauces; the spicy sauces may make your fingers go numb and the sweet ones may cause post-scene unpleasantness.
  3. Lady finger firecrackers.  These are pretty tiny so you should be able to find space for lots of them. If you want to give your scene an added punch add fire play to your scene – it’s sure to end with a bang!
  4. Finger sandwiches.  Like chicken fingers but fancier.  Be sure to wear your fancy lady hat.
  5. Finger monkeys.  Believe it or not, I do have a, very low, level of decorum.  Nuff said.
  6. Finger brushes.  Adds a whole new meaning to the phrase “clean as you go.”
  7. Finger cymbals. Add some mirth to your scene with an impromptu game of “Name that Tune.”
  8. Wendy’s chili finger. A few years ago, someone claimed they found a finger in their bowl of Wendy’s chili.  Time to put that finger to good use.
  9. Finger hooks.  If you’re not familiar with these, they are the hooks for robes, keys, and so for that are made in the shape of a human finger.  In my book anything that checks off the insertable, hardware, and home décor boxes is always a winner.  Note to tops, the ends of these are usually screws so be careful not to stab yourself as you put them in.
  10. Chicken fingers. Not only do they take up that space for your extra fingers, they make for a tasty mid-scene snack.  I’d avoid using sauces; the spicy sauces may make your fingers go numb and the sweet ones may cause post-scene unpleasantness.
  11. Lady finger firecrackers.  These are pretty tiny so you should be able to find space for lots of them. If you want to give your scene an added punch add fire play to your scene – it’s sure to end with a bang!
  12. Finger sandwiches.  Like chicken fingers but fancier.  Be sure to wear your fancy lady hat.
  13. Finger monkeys.  Believe it or not, I do have a, very low, level of decorum.  Nuff said.
  14. Finger brushes.  Adds a whole new meaning to the phrase “clean as you go.”
  15. Finger cymbals. Add some mirth to your scene with an impromptu game of “Name that Tune.”
  16. Wendy’s chili finger. A few years ago, someone claimed they found a finger in their bowl of Wendy’s chili.  Time to put that finger to good use.

There you have it, kids. Next time you are planning that mood that will bring out your sexy, delicious, raunchy best keep these things close at hand (pardon the pun.)  You may not need extra digits to make the most of your party, but you’ll be relieved to know they are there if you need them.

You’re welcome, now go have fun!

-Todd Lawrence