Girl Stop Playing Games: The First Lady

My journey into Leather started 7 years ago with an idea of living out loud and in real time, an idea of engaging in all the thoughts and fantasies that had been roaming around in my head since the age of 12. Born in the 80’s, I grew up on MTV and TGI Fridays. Yes, Family Matters was my favorite show! A Saturday night trip to Golden Glide skating rink in College Park, Georgia, was an ideal weekend activity.  While I was enjoying all the pleasures of my private Christian school and fitting into Atlanta suburbia life, I always found myself on the fringe or the outskirts of what was considered normal. I had these thoughts and desires but no place to put them. Why does the idea of flogging a young woman turn me on beyond belief? What am I to do with these thoughts?

Head of House The First Lady Nyeusi (she/her) and Alpha First Vice Chair Andy Nyeusi (she/her)

As a young black woman, I did not see any representation of myself in the world of kink.  I thought “Do black people really do this, and if so, where are they?” I placed an ad in Craigslist (back in the days when there were still personals) specifically seeking an in house female submissive. After weeding through 20 plus applications, I finally found the one: an intoxicating little green-eyed Caribbean girl living in Puerto Rico. “Puerto Rico, huh?” I thought to myself. “This must be a catfish. This cannot be real.” After the most wicked verification process, she proved herself; and 6 months later she was in my home. For 4 years, we lived a D/S lifestyle with Me as her Domme and her as my pet.

In 2017, I went through a horrible bout with depression after losing both of my grandparents 6 months apart. I watched as my grandfather took his last breath. Falling to my knees, my eyes fixated trying to encapsulate the moment, I remember thinking, “If I just don’t blink…this is not real.” It was very real and so was the fallout. I spent almost a year sleeping and drinking too much, neglecting my responsibilities and causing harm to those around me. I was consumed. 

The light began to shine again in 2018. I emerged from my hiatus humbled and seeking redemption. My submissive could have left me (probably should have left me). I was not being of service to her, yet somehow our dynamic was stronger. She trusted me more, gave me more control, and fully gave her will over to me. As the dynamic moved from D/S to M/S, I realized that this truly was about more than myself and that I must give back. I felt the need to create a house based on giving access to underrepresented minorities and people. I wanted to give a voice to other black, female led, queer women. I have been blessed to bless others.

Later that year, I attended an event called The Kink House where I met Sir Bear. He invited me out to the Spanksgiving weekend in Central Texas, where I got to know some amazing and wonderful people of color and all varieties. Though I had found my tribe, there was still something missing…I wanted mentorship. I had 85% of what I needed, but I longed for structure and formal education. I felt I needed tutelage and covering to be an effective leader in My House. I had read all the books I could get my hands on about the M/S lifestyle, but every one of them was from a white male, heterosexual point of view. I yearned to learn and bond with other powerful black women, women who had been doing this far longer than me with the swag, tenacity, and backbone it takes to navigate this world.

Napoleon Hill, famously known for his book Think and Grow Rich, also wrote a book called The Law of Success in 16 Lessons. In it he outlines how to manifest and use your abilities and energy to obtain the goals and desires of your dreams:

  • Lesson 2: Definite Chief Aim. I had to have one goal and one goal only. I wrote that goal down in my journal and meditated on it daily: “Seek mentorship.”
  • Lesson 6: Imagination. I needed to spend at least 30 minutes of the day visualizing my goal. I went to work, planting the seeds that would soon grow.

“I had to have one goal and one goal only.  I wrote that goal down in my journal and meditated on it daily.  “Seek mentorship.” — The First Lady

One day soon thereafter, I was on FetLife and saw that South Plains Leatherfest was coming to Dallas. They had opportunities to serve, and I signed up as quickly as I could. I told myself that to attract what I want, I must put myself in the position to be seen. On the first day, I attended a class about service led by Mr. Blue and Blue Frost. On the panel with them was Choc Trei. She was regal, poised, and…black! Seated with a beautiful girl at her feet, she spoke with such authority and class. I thought to myself, “Damn! Who is she?!” As the class ended, Choc approached me to introduce herself, indicating that she would like to network with me. I remember thinking, “Something amazing is happening but I don’t know what!” I went home, diligently researched her, and found a link to her website LHOCC (Leather Houses of Color Collation). There I saw all that I was looking for – an opportunity for one-on-one mentorship with other people of color, including the chance to learn Leather history, how to formalize a house, how to write a contract, and the meaning of a crest. I saw all these things I had heard about but never knew how to do.

I submitted my application, and a few short weeks later I had a Zoom meeting with Choc where she explained the history and process, offering that her mentee, Nicole Noir, was available for mentorship. I listened intently as she spoke from the heart about their relationship. She spoke of love and respect, and I thought, “That’s exactly what I want!” I wanted that connection. I wanted that teaching. As the meeting ended, she said to me, “Make me proud.” Those words resonate in my mind to this day.

I began my mentorship with House of Noir in July of 2020. I felt incredibly honored and humbled to even be considered with this lineage of covered Masters, title holders, and unapologetic black women. As I went through the process, I was broken down mentally, physically, and spiritually. I matriculated through difficult assignments like Bloodlines, where I was examining past traumas in my life, or like intricately taking the time to write out a contract. Yes, I know how I like the towels to be folded, but can I articulate that?

My mentor gave me the idea of creating My Crest out of the number “1.” My eyes lit up and I licked my lips like LL Cool J feeling himself because I could visualize everything she was saying. I thought, “Yes! That’s it!” I utilized My Alpha’s graphic design background to produce a rough draft and went in search of someone to design the crest. After weeks of revisions and rising frustrations, I finally got the result I wanted. Then came some major questions like, “Who are you?” and, “What is your function?” My mentor came alongside me and gave me the guidance and the freedom to be myself, to be dogmatic and unwavering. She offered a safe space where I could say, “Yes, I’m uber feminine on the outside, but there’s nothing but Daddy coursing through these muscular veins.” She gave clarity to my mission, reminding me it’s not enough to sit on the sidelines, you must be active in service and as a leader.

My background is in sales and business marketing, so I understood the value of branding, which was in the last phase of mentorship. I was excited to express myself visually; to bring focus to the Warrior inside of me. As I stood there with the camera lights clicking, looking down on my Alpha, the culmination of this journey truly dawned on me. I am so thankful. I am so blessed. I am so ready for the future.

Are you at least


NLA-Dallas members speak openly about adult material which may be inappropriate for minors.