Dear Miss Velvet

Dear Miss Velvet

Dear Miss Velvet,

I recently started a new power exchange relationship with my Ma'am.  Our connection is very deep and I feel lucky to belong to her.  Though we are both involved in our community, I have more experience from previous power exchange relationships than she does (though this is my first time being on this side of the slash). While I am sure that she is more than capable of guiding me to be her slave, I want to find out what sort of things I can do to support her as she grows into her mastery. She encourages direct conversation and is a great listener, so I know that she is always eager to hear my thoughts.  Letting her know what I'm am thinking, what I need, and what I want is the best way I know of to provide her with an owner's manual, but I wanted to find out if there is anything else I can do to always let her know that she's in charge and I will gladly follow.  Thank you for sharing your advice.  Please sign me as, Love-that-Ma'am

Dear Love-that-Ma'am,

Congratulations on your new dynamic and finding someone you connect with so strongly.  Switching sides to surrender to someone with less experience can be quite rewarding, but it will certainly present challenges for you both.  Communication will be your key.  Since she has demonstrated an openness to hearing your thoughts, continue to share them as they relate to your wants and needs as well as anything related to safety or minimizing risk.  Rather than offering specific requests or advice on how you can serve her, general discussions of practices and philosophies will give her tools to carry with her as she follows her own path to mastery.  Make sure you both understand what each of you is offering the other.  Do you know what her expectations are of you and how she wants to lead you?  Does she know what being her slave means to you and how you imagine serving her?  Knowing that will inform the decisions she makes.  Finally, embrace the opportunity to learn new ways of doing things, and demonstrate your trust in her vision by following her lead.  Be mindful of when it is appropriate and important to follow without question and when you can better support her by offering pertinent information.  Keep in mind that while she is learning to lead, it is your task to learn to follow, even (especially) when her way differs from yours.   

Miss Velvet Steele (she/her/Ma’am), is a cis-het Leatherwoman who has gathered a lifetime of experiences and insights she will gladly share.  Whatever advice you are seeking, she will make sure that you love it even when you don’t like it.   

Have a question for Miss Velvet?  Email her at

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