Dear Miss Velvet

NLA-Dallas NewsLeather’s advice maven, Miss Velvet (she/her/Ma’am), is a cis-het woman who puts the agony in “agony aunt.” She has gathered a lifetime of experiences and insights she will gladly share with all and sundry.  Miss Velvet is always gracious and welcomes your questions and concerns.  When she dispenses advice, she promises to be gentle, but not too gentle, and offers a firm touch when it is needed.  Whatever advice you are seeking, she will make sure that you love it even when you don’t like it. 

On New Year’s Resolutions:

When the clock chimes midnight on January 1, a new year will be born, offering hope for new beginnings and the impetus to make changes.  So often our New Year’s resolutions center around our perceived shortcomings – losing weight, quitting smoking, etc. – that we begin the year already unhappy with where we are.  What if instead we looked to our passions to bring more soul food into our lives?  Let’s resolve to celebrate where we are and dive deeper into what we love.

Those of us who are Leather and those of us who embrace BDSM and kink are fortunate.  These passions offer a smorgasbord of choices and a lifetime of learning.  Whether one is looking inward to strengthen one’s self-mastery or outward to expand one’s library of skills, there is always something more to reach for and explore.

Keep these things in mind when making resolutions:

  • Specific:  Vague resolutions are vaguely met or easily forgotten; be specific in what you want to achieve.  Example: “I want to learn 5 new ways to suspend my girl by June.”
  • Measurable:  Find a way to measure your progress and be aware that you have met it.  Example: The resolution “I want to learn to set a table for a luncheon, a tea, and a formal dinner before the end of the year” could be measured with a research/feedback journal, photos of each attempt, and butler book notes.
  • Achievable:  Unrealistic goals quickly become frustrating and self-defeating.
  • Relevant: Make sure your resolutions reflect your own passions rather than those of partners, the community, fads, or society at large.
  • Time-bound: Open-ended goals are rarely effective.  Set a realistic timeline as well as intermediate goals along the way. Example:  “I want to have my first cutting scene in 6 months.  Each month prior, I will do one of the following: find an experienced top to guide me, read a book, take a class, order my supplies, and practice on myself.”

Miss Velvet encourages you to reflect on your journey thus far and consider what further explorations might enhance it as we step into a new year of possibilities.

If you have a question or would like to share your resolution, please contact Miss Velvet at

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